2008...reflections

so....i just looked at my last post...nearly three months ago...so much has happened...so much has been...christmas has been celebrated...2008 has been bid farewell and 2009 has truly begun and very much swung into action...but before writing about that...2008...my reflections...last year i spent the first six months in nearly total isolation from people and from things...my goal being to lose a significant amount of weight and with that sort through some of the stuff going through my head...which is soon very much realised yet again has a significant impact on the amount of weight that is carried to protect oneself...so 10 kgs later i attended my sisters wedding in Cairns...needless to say it was great...it was awesome to catch up with so many people as well as wear a suit for the first time in over 16 years! On top of that it was probably close to 18 years since I'd been below 100kg in body weight.

So the second half of the year saw many things happen including meeting some beautiful sweet guys from many different parts of the country...I went on my first date in over 3 years...and i finally started to begin to consider sharing my life with people...friendships started blossoming and blooming...I met new people...found a confidence within. the weight loss has continued and I started the Think Slim package through my personal training company...and one of the biggest things I learnt is gratitude...to be thankful for each and every thing every day...no matter how big or how small. I also learnt and continue to learn about acceptance...acceptance...not as per my previous post about the acceptance and approval of other but that the true acceptance and approval of me needs to come truly from me from within a deep part of me that i'd not really venture before and well when i do it's amazing the person i find...the person i truly show and become...

But back to gratitude...I am most grateful and ever thankful for all the truly wonderful and beautiful things of 2008...for the big and small things...for those ahah moments..for the beautiful people...for the new and old people who i've shared part of the journey with in the past twelve months... I say thank you to all that has been given...each opportunity and experience i had...for the lessons learnt and understanding gleaned...i am ever grateful :-)

So 2008 is now over and past and it's time to turn to 2009 and look what is holds...

why is it so

so i've started the think slim package and program in conjunction with succeed...it's a twelve week program...i've started listening to the mp4 player and doing the physical stuff...next week i see the life coach...i'm already realising that i've come so far on my journey but there's still things i need to deal with that i thought i'd dealt with...

1. acceptance by and approval of others
2. being at peace and content within myself.

sometimes i wander if i'll ever get it right...i hope one day i do

music...

....is so enriching
....is so encouraging
....is so exciting
....is so enthralling
....is so enrapturing
....can change the mood in room in a flash of a moment
....gives me hope that everything will be good
....uplifts my spirit and soul
....gives me happiness

zooming along through life...sometimes i forget to stop and smell the roses or slow down a little...so that's what i'm doing this weekend...stopping for a moment and smelling the roses and enjoying the scenery...my goals and affirmations for this second half of the year are half complete and well...we're already half way through...what's happened...it's nearly two months to my birthday too...which means two months and one week to Christmas!!!!!! AGGGHHHHH!

Anyway was thinking recently about how our lives criss cross with so many others...i believe this happens for a one of many reasons...sometimes those people stick with us for just a moment to teach us or help us learn something or sometimes for a season to help us grow and others are there for a lifetime...i've found some lifetime friends have had many reason and season ones...i'm hopeful one day i'll find that special lifetime friend...the one who i share a connection that is more than just a friendship.

But in the meantime life does go on but this weekend i'm just going to hit pause for a moment...take stock...reaffirm my direction and focus.

moving on...

sometimes in life i've ignored the fact that it's time to move but i'm realising now it's time to continue on with my life...continue on the journey that is ahead...if our paths cross again well then so be it...if not well then what has been has been and oh boy it was great...it was good...it was grand...i learnt so much about me and have grown all the better for it...but i'll be here for now...and a small part of me hopes that one day soon you'll show up again...but for now i'm continuing on with all that's in store for me...

I am truly grateful for meeting you and sharing this journey for but a short time and here's to hoping that somewhere our paths will intertwine again

Safe journey my friend

B :-)
xoxo

A private talk on honesty

Over the past week or so I've been re-reading bits of a book that was used in the Avatar Resurfacing course I did three years ago. The book is called Living Deliberately by Harry Palmer. I got to the chapter titled A Private Talk On Honesty...and well I thought this is going to be interesting because the last time I read this it didn't really make sense...but this time it oh so made sense.

In this chapter it says, "Being honest is really a question of courage - courage enough to face what we fear. This gets lost in the smoke screen of deceptions that is used to justify dishonest. Whenever we accept that there is good reason to be dishonest, we increase the evidence for fearing what we are avoiding."

I contemplated this for a moment and realised that in some parts of my life particularly around relationships I aren't always courageous enough to be honest because of my fear of rejection of not being good enough for this person...

The book then goes onto say,"Fear is a BELIEF in our inadequacy to deal with something. And that belief precedes any evidence of failure we have collected."

So the time has come for me to take courage to face my fear/s...to sort that belief out and remove it from my life...and be the person with the courage to be honest and true to myself. The book then goes onto say that as you become honest with yourself...your honesty with others will naturally flow on.

This makes so much sense now than what it did three years ago...another WOW moment for me...so i face this journey head on and looking ever forward.

the last paragraph says..."The result of living honestly is feeling and sharing - compassion and empathy! .... Relationships develop that are rewarding and provide a measure of security that no amount of money, power or fame can provide. Valid trust arises."

reflecting.

so lately i've been writing things in a paper journal...emptying the vessel in my head and clearing my thoughts...therefore i haven't written here much...so here's one reflection....

A journey of love, beauty, compassion and tendernesss.
A giving of gratitude and thanks for,
All that has been,
All that is now, and
All that is to be in the future.
All that is to be uncovered and explored on the road ahead.