no expectations...what does it mean?

For some time now I've been contemplating the whole meaning of no expectations...particularly since coming back from my sister's wedding and experiencing meeting and dating guys again...this topic has always been one to confuse me somewhat but also been one i thought i could deal with. Let me tell you it's been a rough road but today i got one step closer to fully grasping and understanding the concept....I was watching a movie...Love Actually...yes I love a romantic movie...but anyway in one particular scene where the best man (from the wedding at the beginning of the movie) is telling his friend's wife how much he loves her by holding up pieces of cardboard....on one card he uses the following words "...Just for now without any agenda or hope I say..."

those were the word that made the penny drop...i madly messaged my friend and told her my thoughts in relation to this and how this summarised no expectations. Her response was...and enjoying the moment for what it is. Don't analyse just be in the moment completely. So I'm getting to grips with this and I'm confident this will help assist in improving my relationships and friendships as things go along.

I am in the process of creating an affirmation to help me reinforce this in my life.

dating again after three years

well finally some say...i say well yes I'm ready now...after three years of refusing to wishing to but choosing not to even envisage the thought of going on a date or meeting someone along those lines...i've taken the plunge...well i about a month. I went on a date. It was something simple...nothing fancy but oh boy was I nervous...he came round here to my place and we went for some chinese takeaway then watched a couple of tv episodes of a mutually favourite U.S. tv show...I was soooo nervous...my mouth was dry...I didn't know what to say or how to react...I kept on saying to myself just relax chill and enjoy the company...anyway the evening ended...i did enjoy myself except for the nerves.

Following on from this experience i spoke with some friends about my rather nervous experience...and well their response was yes...that's normal...just go with it...relax and enjoy the moment...it does goes better as time goes on.

So move onto date number 2...quite an unexpected event...I was out the other week with some friends having a dance at a local club when a particular young guy caught my eye and well I caught his...It would seem every moment I looked at him he was staring right back at me...anyway after a few casual smiles as he walked past for what felt like the tenth time...he tapped me on the shoulder and said "hello". Turns out he's a nice lad...we've met up a few times since then and each time i do get less nervous.

So who knows where this might lead...my confidence and faith in my ability to meet new people is coming back...slowly but surely. So now that this lesson is learnt it's now onto the next one about patience, enjoying the moment for what it is, patience, calm, patience and well patience.

:-)

the journey continues

I continue on through my journey in life...one day at a time, one step at a time. No expectations of what each interaction or encounter may bring. This is something I really really struggle with...I have to learn to just enjoy the journey and all that it and the people I meet have to offer.

So I sit I write and type in an attempt to offload the crazy and random thoughts that my mind creates.

WOW!!!

OMG! Catching the eye of one guy...Hot cute totally adorable...something I've not really experienced before. Scary but at the same enticing...I will just go with it, enjoy, experience, have fun and see where this path leads........more to come soon....

sometimes...

I don't know what to say...don't know how to react, what to do or even what emotion to have. For me it's sometimes confusing when people carry on one way but then seconds later are entirely someone else. I believe strongly in being true to oneself, true to one's inner essence, soul and being...the problem is sometimes locating that inner essence, soul and being.

We each are on a journey here on planet earth...that journey can be filled with many different adventures, experiences and things...but most importantly this journey, our individual life, is about living, experiencing, touching, feeling, smelling, tasting, seeing sensing, and making choices every step of the way. Choices about each of the above, choices about how we look, how we spend our money.

These choices then allow us to move forward on our journey, and as we experience the consequences of those choices, we learn, we grow and generally become better people!

Our journey is life therefore be alive and live it with all you've got!

Reflections while observing.......

Lights flashing, music pounding, bodies moving all at one. Such a rhythm evokes pleasure and attraction....one voice...one movement...One sensual evocation of one being.

letting go...

I'm learning to let go...I've let go of many things in my past...that hardest thing I have trouble letting go of is the people I met who demonstrate potential to share a relationship with...I thought I'd dealt with this...I create a hope within myself that it will become something more and when it doesn't happen then I have to let go, let go gracefully and move on...sadly when I've not really ever had any close personal relationships (i.e. boyfriend etc)...now I find myself in my mid 30's creating a beautiful life for myself, a wonderful life to share with someone...I am grateful and thankful for having made it this far...to be transformed and become a better person but I continue to seek more...seek someone to share this road with...someone to spend time with...someone to share many adventures and experiences with...I figure that I will cross paths with this person in time and may there be a linking of two souls and two beings.

I am grateful and thankful for the day that this will occur...I am grateful and thankful for them whoever they maybe... I am grateful and thankful for the many friendships I have with people around me...and I'm grateful for the time that I spend with them.