WOW!

WOW! that's the first words out of my mouth right now...I just read my last post and Wow...so much has happened...I met a wonderful loving guy...someone who feel absolutely head over heels for me...meanwhile I was rather cautious...stood back...and at first resistant to his advances. So we had already met when I'd sent my last post...we met in late January/early February and well at the end of March we made things official to our friends etc...So the next three months flew by spending some fantastic fabulous times with friends...even some mutual friends in fact...it was awesome and really beautiful...sadly though...last week we broke up...decided to end our relationship.

So our paths have parted and although I have remained a strong person initially, i'm finding things a little tough this past week...just getting used to the idea of continuing my journey without somebody by my side...but at the same time I'm joyous and happy that I've had that opportunity to spendtime with someone so fantastic fabulous and totally beautiful. WOW it's been good.

In my reflection though I've discovered that I've still much to learn about myself and how much I need to grow through life...learning about the things I will compromise on and the things that I absolutely won't compromise on as well as how i react to various situations and circumstances...

So here I am off on a new adventure, a new journey, a new beginning...where this road leads or what is around the corner I don't know but it will be fun and exciting, filled with lots of new experiences, new people and most of all many familiar friendly faces.

That's all for now...until next time

right now...here...

so i'm sitting here this morning...just finished my liquid breakfast of a banana and berry protein shake...home made of course...and i'm reflecting on my weekend...I had a great time with some fantastic people on Friday and Saturday night but on Sunday and Monday i've discovered a part of me that's still bitter and angry...is it bitter and angry at everyone elses happiness and freedom...that's what it looks like sometimes...bitter and angry that other can have wonderful relationships and friendships...I believe I have some wonderful beautiful people in my life...but I truly do yearn for that closeness of a soul mate...someone who believes in me and who I am...someone who I believe in...someone who I just click with and enjoy the talkative and quiet moments with...the happy and sad...the upset and excited.

So I head off to another day and I understand that I need to do so much more with myself...I have so much more to learn to be a person...to be more compassionate, kind and loving.

2008...reflections

so....i just looked at my last post...nearly three months ago...so much has happened...so much has been...christmas has been celebrated...2008 has been bid farewell and 2009 has truly begun and very much swung into action...but before writing about that...2008...my reflections...last year i spent the first six months in nearly total isolation from people and from things...my goal being to lose a significant amount of weight and with that sort through some of the stuff going through my head...which is soon very much realised yet again has a significant impact on the amount of weight that is carried to protect oneself...so 10 kgs later i attended my sisters wedding in Cairns...needless to say it was great...it was awesome to catch up with so many people as well as wear a suit for the first time in over 16 years! On top of that it was probably close to 18 years since I'd been below 100kg in body weight.

So the second half of the year saw many things happen including meeting some beautiful sweet guys from many different parts of the country...I went on my first date in over 3 years...and i finally started to begin to consider sharing my life with people...friendships started blossoming and blooming...I met new people...found a confidence within. the weight loss has continued and I started the Think Slim package through my personal training company...and one of the biggest things I learnt is gratitude...to be thankful for each and every thing every day...no matter how big or how small. I also learnt and continue to learn about acceptance...acceptance...not as per my previous post about the acceptance and approval of other but that the true acceptance and approval of me needs to come truly from me from within a deep part of me that i'd not really venture before and well when i do it's amazing the person i find...the person i truly show and become...

But back to gratitude...I am most grateful and ever thankful for all the truly wonderful and beautiful things of 2008...for the big and small things...for those ahah moments..for the beautiful people...for the new and old people who i've shared part of the journey with in the past twelve months... I say thank you to all that has been given...each opportunity and experience i had...for the lessons learnt and understanding gleaned...i am ever grateful :-)

So 2008 is now over and past and it's time to turn to 2009 and look what is holds...

why is it so

so i've started the think slim package and program in conjunction with succeed...it's a twelve week program...i've started listening to the mp4 player and doing the physical stuff...next week i see the life coach...i'm already realising that i've come so far on my journey but there's still things i need to deal with that i thought i'd dealt with...

1. acceptance by and approval of others
2. being at peace and content within myself.

sometimes i wander if i'll ever get it right...i hope one day i do

music...

....is so enriching
....is so encouraging
....is so exciting
....is so enthralling
....is so enrapturing
....can change the mood in room in a flash of a moment
....gives me hope that everything will be good
....uplifts my spirit and soul
....gives me happiness

zooming along through life...sometimes i forget to stop and smell the roses or slow down a little...so that's what i'm doing this weekend...stopping for a moment and smelling the roses and enjoying the scenery...my goals and affirmations for this second half of the year are half complete and well...we're already half way through...what's happened...it's nearly two months to my birthday too...which means two months and one week to Christmas!!!!!! AGGGHHHHH!

Anyway was thinking recently about how our lives criss cross with so many others...i believe this happens for a one of many reasons...sometimes those people stick with us for just a moment to teach us or help us learn something or sometimes for a season to help us grow and others are there for a lifetime...i've found some lifetime friends have had many reason and season ones...i'm hopeful one day i'll find that special lifetime friend...the one who i share a connection that is more than just a friendship.

But in the meantime life does go on but this weekend i'm just going to hit pause for a moment...take stock...reaffirm my direction and focus.

moving on...

sometimes in life i've ignored the fact that it's time to move but i'm realising now it's time to continue on with my life...continue on the journey that is ahead...if our paths cross again well then so be it...if not well then what has been has been and oh boy it was great...it was good...it was grand...i learnt so much about me and have grown all the better for it...but i'll be here for now...and a small part of me hopes that one day soon you'll show up again...but for now i'm continuing on with all that's in store for me...

I am truly grateful for meeting you and sharing this journey for but a short time and here's to hoping that somewhere our paths will intertwine again

Safe journey my friend

B :-)
xoxo