feeling exhausted

WOW!! I feel like i've done a million things this weekend...even though in fact i've done really little.  I was quite disappointed yesterday when i hopped on the scales and they popped back a horrid figure of 95kgs!!!!! I was like what the!!! I've been working so hard and trying to eat right and that... my clothes are starting to feel looser but yet i'm still 95kg!!! I'm shocked, disappointed and somewhat lost for words.

But...you know on reflection I need to move forward...so I've started cooking healthy meals this weekend...to store for later in the week when I get tired...tomorrow I start back on my good ol' long black coffees and I start measuring my cereal in the morning and being strict about my what I'm putting I'm eating and drinking...and I need to get that fourth exercise session happening!  It's a struggle and I know the exhaustion is linked to the amount of exercise and healthy food I'm having.  So all in all, I'm getting there slowly.  but I've got 106 days to get back on track and sorted in time for my amazing journey to becoming a personal trainer. 

My goal in being a personal trainer is to inspire and encourage others on their journey.  To beat the obstacles and bound over the hurdles and achieve things beyond their wildest dreams!! 

 I've been giving some thought to a name and I've considered Empower Personal Training! But there's quite a few businesses out there with that name.  I don't know whether they fully understand what it is to empower people though!  So back to the drawing board on that one.  I'm sure the right name will come at the right time! :-)

Anyway nearly time for bed!

 

monday

So Monday...busy day...so much happening at work...but i managed to sort out the problems that I faced at the end of last week and move forward from them.  Apparently though my view of the situation  was slightly different to the view of the other person's. But not to worry, I've set the precedent for the way forward and *fingers crossed* as we're moving in the next week or so, I'll hopefully not have to sit next to the person. Yahoo!  I'm so grateful that things turned out ok!

So what else happened...did a group class tonight...only four of us. My friend G was unwell which is not good...hopefully she's better next week.  I know she did enjoy it.  I'm hoping that once I get my qualifications I'll be in a position to run a few classes like this.  It will certainly help with cashflow, that's for sure...saving for my o'seas trip....going to Japan next March and then hopefully in late 2011 / early 2012 off to Europe and the UK for a little bit.

So now have had dinner and waiting for the washing to finish so i've got pants to wear to work and A's jacket is clean to wear to work.  So looking forward to sleep tonight as I've got a big day tomorrow.

Well the machine's just beeped...so it's bye from me for now!

Making a change

So I'm going on holidays for nine weeks from 13 September 2010.  Now this isn't just any holiday...I'm actually going to studying full time for eight of the nine weeks that i'll be off work.  I'm excited but at the same time a litte scared but I know this is the right thing to do.

I've lost in excess of 70 kg over the last few years and I want to give back some of what I've been given and one way I believe I can do this is to assist and guide people in becoming empowered to make a change in their life for the good! 

So 120 days to go...or approx 80 working days until that exciting new adventure begins :-)

a uhah moment!

So here I am again...at a cross roads...no sure where it will or will not lead... I've been dealing with some changes at work...although they may seem minor to most, I'm struggling with this! But on Friday I had somewhat of an uhah moment! I realised that in all of this I failed to hold the mirror up to myself ad examine my behaviour, my reactions, action and attitude.

So it's been a little scary doing this but i found that my compassion and respect has been lacking for some people in some situations.  This is not unfamiliar territory to me...I've been here before and made it through the other side. I realise I have little respect for the person or their position and this is what I struggle with.  I'm seeking support and advice and I've got some serious reading to do...I've found this is the best way to seek ways to approach this. I intend to do some things to increase my personal abilities in this area as i don't think this is the last time I have to deal with situations such as this.

So my goals I want to move forward with in a broad context:

• Demonstrate respect, compassion and patience to all people!
• Spend time being gracious for each and every thing every day!
• Spend more time expending energy and increasing endorphin and serotonin production, by regularly exercising!
• Finally spend time writing, reflecting and blogging!

Well that's it for now!

WOW!

WOW! that's the first words out of my mouth right now...I just read my last post and Wow...so much has happened...I met a wonderful loving guy...someone who feel absolutely head over heels for me...meanwhile I was rather cautious...stood back...and at first resistant to his advances. So we had already met when I'd sent my last post...we met in late January/early February and well at the end of March we made things official to our friends etc...So the next three months flew by spending some fantastic fabulous times with friends...even some mutual friends in fact...it was awesome and really beautiful...sadly though...last week we broke up...decided to end our relationship.

So our paths have parted and although I have remained a strong person initially, i'm finding things a little tough this past week...just getting used to the idea of continuing my journey without somebody by my side...but at the same time I'm joyous and happy that I've had that opportunity to spendtime with someone so fantastic fabulous and totally beautiful. WOW it's been good.

In my reflection though I've discovered that I've still much to learn about myself and how much I need to grow through life...learning about the things I will compromise on and the things that I absolutely won't compromise on as well as how i react to various situations and circumstances...

So here I am off on a new adventure, a new journey, a new beginning...where this road leads or what is around the corner I don't know but it will be fun and exciting, filled with lots of new experiences, new people and most of all many familiar friendly faces.

That's all for now...until next time

right now...here...

so i'm sitting here this morning...just finished my liquid breakfast of a banana and berry protein shake...home made of course...and i'm reflecting on my weekend...I had a great time with some fantastic people on Friday and Saturday night but on Sunday and Monday i've discovered a part of me that's still bitter and angry...is it bitter and angry at everyone elses happiness and freedom...that's what it looks like sometimes...bitter and angry that other can have wonderful relationships and friendships...I believe I have some wonderful beautiful people in my life...but I truly do yearn for that closeness of a soul mate...someone who believes in me and who I am...someone who I believe in...someone who I just click with and enjoy the talkative and quiet moments with...the happy and sad...the upset and excited.

So I head off to another day and I understand that I need to do so much more with myself...I have so much more to learn to be a person...to be more compassionate, kind and loving.

2008...reflections

so....i just looked at my last post...nearly three months ago...so much has happened...so much has been...christmas has been celebrated...2008 has been bid farewell and 2009 has truly begun and very much swung into action...but before writing about that...2008...my reflections...last year i spent the first six months in nearly total isolation from people and from things...my goal being to lose a significant amount of weight and with that sort through some of the stuff going through my head...which is soon very much realised yet again has a significant impact on the amount of weight that is carried to protect oneself...so 10 kgs later i attended my sisters wedding in Cairns...needless to say it was great...it was awesome to catch up with so many people as well as wear a suit for the first time in over 16 years! On top of that it was probably close to 18 years since I'd been below 100kg in body weight.

So the second half of the year saw many things happen including meeting some beautiful sweet guys from many different parts of the country...I went on my first date in over 3 years...and i finally started to begin to consider sharing my life with people...friendships started blossoming and blooming...I met new people...found a confidence within. the weight loss has continued and I started the Think Slim package through my personal training company...and one of the biggest things I learnt is gratitude...to be thankful for each and every thing every day...no matter how big or how small. I also learnt and continue to learn about acceptance...acceptance...not as per my previous post about the acceptance and approval of other but that the true acceptance and approval of me needs to come truly from me from within a deep part of me that i'd not really venture before and well when i do it's amazing the person i find...the person i truly show and become...

But back to gratitude...I am most grateful and ever thankful for all the truly wonderful and beautiful things of 2008...for the big and small things...for those ahah moments..for the beautiful people...for the new and old people who i've shared part of the journey with in the past twelve months... I say thank you to all that has been given...each opportunity and experience i had...for the lessons learnt and understanding gleaned...i am ever grateful :-)

So 2008 is now over and past and it's time to turn to 2009 and look what is holds...