Here I am!!!

I watched The Devil Wears Prada on the weekend...I hear a small bit of a song during the movie which the words rung true with me...

I'm too shy to show you my vunerable side
I'm too near to make it clear emotional suicide
Is this love I'm thinking of I know that
Close the latch I can't attach I'm sure that

Here I am, I can't give you anything
Here I stand, I can't turn away
Here I am, don't want to cause you pain
Here I stand, alone and on my own again.

So I found the soundtrack for the movie and worked out what the song was called...tonight I actually listened to it all the way through...I found the words ring ring true of me sometimes and well most mear human beings...the truth is...

I have a vulnerable side and it's my choice about whether I show it or not - I choose to show some people and others I don't. I do give everything...sometimes to the wrong things generally to the right things...i don't always turn away when i should...I don't like causing people pain...i generally stand alone and on my own.

but the flip side is...I show you my vulnerable side...it means I trust you and know you won't do me no harm...I give everything to those I trust, love and care for...I don't turn away from those who are close to me...I do sometimes forget to look you up or give you a call or email...but I still care for you and love you...I don't like conflict/pain...if you hurt...I hurt!...As for standing alone...I don't usually stand alone...I stand as a person proud of who I am and the journey I've been on...and excited about the journey ahead...I may venture forth on my own...but I am never alone... I have each of you in my heart and mind...you are near and dear.

So I'm philosophical...I am deep but at the same time shallow and not so transparent...but I do love, care and I'm excited about what the future holds for each and everyone of us

Be excited...be true..be compassionate, patient and kind...most of all be without judgement

first things first

well i recently went on some training for work...it was about leadership and how this relates to my job...there was a recommendation out of this course that i read the book First Things First by Stephen Covey...so anyway i purchased the book courtesy of some money left on a Borders gift voucher given to me for Christmas and Birthday last year. I've been reading it and although i haven't got very far I've come to realise how some parts of the book really ring true and I've taken some of these steps already in my life to become a more effective in both my personal and work life.

This part of the book is talking about balance and synergy amongst the four needs (i.e. Physical; Social; Mental and Spiritual) and how if there is an unmet need it is essential that we acknowledge the other needs and not leave them unmet and just focus on the one need.

I've found this to be so true...up until about 4 years ago I'd just focus on the one need rather than looking at all four needs and keeping them in balance to support each other and build up the need that was lacking in something.

It's not an easy thing to do but I'm learning and growing as I do this.

Well back to my reading...I'm sure there will be more 'ah ah moments'!

another chance...an opportunity

through out our lives we are offered many opportunities to move forward from experiences and challenges that have beset us...sometimes we struggle to see that opportunity/chance and grasp it with both hands and run with it. I know many times my friends and family have offered me opportunities/chances to move forward in my life. I haven't always been the most gracious and thankful person in some of these times or I've been blind to where I'm at and i've thrown it back in there face.

Thankfully over the past six - twelves month of my journey of discovery that I've been on, I've learnt a lot about being more gracious, compassionate and thankful for these things. I've learnt to let go of things that have taunted and hurt me and said sorry to those i've upset, offended or hurt.

After my sister's wedding I was looking at the pictures and wandering who the happy smiling , confident stranger was staring back at me from the some of the photos...then I realised it was me.

I am grateful and thankful for the friends, family and people who I've had the privilege of sharing this journey with and all the encouragement, patience, compassion and gratitude you have shown.

Don't hesitate, take another chance and an opportunity as they present themselves.

no expectations

in a spur of the moment decision I decided to take myself out in my new clothes i bought during my little holiday to Queensland.

I decided when going out this time that there would be no expectations about anything except what I would do...three things...confident smile, be aware and stay in the moment. This I did and well you know I ended up reconnecting with someone from my past as well making a new connection with someone.

This is the me that has been there all along...just hidden away in some dark little corner waiting for the right time to burst out and shine...as chances would have it...it was at this very moment that it happened.

So...where to from here...no expectations...just enjoy the moment and all that it is and has to offer...a date is on the cards though for the week ahead.

the wedding

the excitement has all died down and it's all over....the fancy suits and dresses are in their suits bags waiting to be dry cleaned or returned for use on someone elses special day.

the happy couple are off on their honey moon to a secret locale and the remainder of us recover from the late night as we prepare to return to our every day lives.

It was fun and i smiled beyond belief...I'm happy for both of them...so happy that at times there were tears of joy and as other times tears of rememberance for our dad and how proud he would have been of his family yesterday.

now time moves forward as we continue our journey through life and the adventures and excitement it now brings

seven weeks

Seven weeks since i last got weighed and measured...and well this is what has disappeared...not my best achievement but better than nothing:

• 4cm off my chest
• 5cm off my wasit
• 3.2cm off my hips
• 7.5cm off each of my thighs
• 3cm off each of my arms
• and 2.4 kg over all
  

Yes i'm please and happy...suit fitting this Thursday afternoon...hopefully they have the one i want.

Dreamin' now.....or is it time for reality to set in??

We've only got this time to prove
That together we can make it through
I'll never hide my thoughts from you
You're my deepest blue

If temptation ever came my way
I know the words I'd always say
I'll never hide my love from you
You're my deepest blue

Am I dreaming now
Walking on the moon
And I don't know how to read you baby
Every time I try to move closer....

I hear this song...it takes me back to a moment in time...a moment in time where there was confidence...there was no fear...no holding back...just a surging forward...experiencing, experimenting and trying new and different things...but what happened...it all disappeared over the next four - five years...now i'm slowly rebuilding and becoming a person who doesn't hold back...someone who surges forward and anticipates and gets excited about new and exciting things...there is fear still...and yes there's still some hesitation...and the confidence...it's there hiding waiting to burst out like the monsoon rains after a time of drought.

...Then I soar like a bird in the wind
Oh I glide as I'm flying through heaven.

Me, amore don't you know
my love I want you so
Sugar you make my soul complete
Rapture tastes so sweet...

We journey on and on through life...each on our journey and adventure...striving to be the best we can and achieve our dreams, aspirations...sometimes with little thought...other times with lots of thought. I received this quote today..."Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Work at it, early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned, and neve deferring for a single hour that which can be done just as well now. - P.T. Barnum"

pssst.... 9 more sleeps!